


Holding Onto You

by franticatlantic



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Camboy Tyler, M/M, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:37:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8489959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franticatlantic/pseuds/franticatlantic
Summary: Josh watches this guy online.Then he hits him with his car.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is a prompt fill for [someone](http://vintagetyler.tumblr.com/post/152787505828/ty) who wanted an i hit you with my car and i'm the only one who visited AU, as well as [someone](http://vintagetyler.tumblr.com/post/152776938683/camboy-tyler-and-college-student-josh) who wanted camboy!ty and college student josh, AND an [anon](http://vintagetyler.tumblr.com/post/152779254618/you-should-write-jealous-josh) who wanted jealous josh! i hope you guys like this!
> 
> title is from the twenty one pilots song of the same name.

Day 1.

So, Josh watches this guy online. He pays 20 bucks a month to see him jerk off in front of a camera and put dildos up his ass and take orders from a rapidly moving block of commentary in the chatroom in the corner. The men who pay to watch this guy - who goes solely by skeletonb0nes - have names like PhatDaddy23 and ILoveTwinks. Josh’s name is SpookyJim.

The one time skeletonb0nes leaned forward over the dildo inside him - vibrating violently against the bed - and said, “Ooh, Spooky. I like that name. What can I do for _you?_ ” Josh came right there without ever having given an order.

Then he goes and hits his favorite camboy with his car.

He doesn’t do it on purpose! Obviously. There’s this intersection downtown where a lot of accidents happen and Josh is trying to juggle a tray of Starbucks for his Intro to Forensics class, his phone, and his iPod when the light turns green. Some jackhole in a Suburban blows his red light and Josh swerves, spills the Starbucks all over himself, while planting his hand on the horn.

Even with the loud noise, however, the guy can’t hear it with his earbuds in. Josh doesn’t see him step off the curb until it’s too late and his body’s making a horrific thud sound against the front end of Josh’s car.

He registers the tattoos only nominally as he fumbles for his phone and calls 911, feeling around on the guy’s neck for a pulse. He finds one, however faint, and pulls the boy into his arms while people on the sidewalk gawk and talk quietly behind their hands.

His phone he flings on the ground when the call is over, hears the distant sound of sirens as he clamps a hand over the guy’s bleeding leg and mutters “Stay with me” over and over.

-

The EMTs check him over. For fun, it seems. Because Josh tells them he’s fine - he works part time at the cafe on campus, doesn’t have insurance, and can’t really afford a gigantic hospital bill. They tell him he’s free to go and he scowls at them as he pulls his shirt back on. _He_ isn’t the one who got hit by a car.

“Can I see him?”

A nurse in the hallway shrugs, says, “Hope you know it’ll be up to him whether or not he wants to press charges when he wakes up.”

Josh knows all this - he technically committed a crime when he hit cute camboy skeletonb0nes with his car, even though he didn’t do it on purpose. The family will probably convince the guy to press charges, but Josh needs to at least see him.

Even though his face is a little swollen and he has lacerations from the glass and gravel on his arms and neck, Josh knows it’s him. He has to take a deep breath before walking further into the room because he didn’t even know this guy lived in Columbus before today.

When he hit his favorite camboy with his car.

“Shut up,” he growls at himself, tugging on a length of hair. Sometimes his brain tells him things he doesn’t want to hear.

Although. It’s the truth.

He approaches the bed, the beeping of the machinery the boy’s hooked up to, the quiet whuffling of his breathing as he sleeps. His lips are parted, head resting adorably on his shoulder.

Josh asks any of the nurses if they know his name. “ID said Tyler Joseph. Can’t tell you much more than that - confidential.”

Josh knows that, too. He isn’t an idiot. He still has Tyler’s blood all down the front of his shirt.

Wanting - needing, really, but let’s not get caught up in semantics - to feel the guy he’s been getting off to religiously the past few months, he brushes his fingers down the inside of Tyler’s arm, the one not hooked to an IV. He’s soft, so Josh does it again. And then a couple more times.

He falls asleep there that night, curled up in an uncomfortable chair, hoping to meet the boy’s family and apologize in the morning.

Day 2.

Tyler’s family never shows. And he’s still knocked out when Josh wakes up.

A nurse wanders in and starts checking Tyler’s vitals.

“Has he been up?” Josh asks.

She shakes her head, pricks Tyler with something, and then leaves.

Josh’s phone is in a blood-streaked Zip-Loc bag along with his car keys, wallet, and iPod. His car is at the impound lot, but he doesn’t feel like going to get it yet. Especially because that means phoning in a favor to someone to take him there.

He decides to stay with Tyler most of the day, watching shows low on the TV and touching Tyler’s arm, waiting for him to wake up.

But around 6 PM, with emails to send and calls to return, he has to leave.

He finds a friendly-looking nurse at the desk and smiles at her. “Hi, I’m with the guy in 203. I have to leave unfortunately, but you have my contact info - can you call me if he gets up? I don’t care how late it is.”

The nurse exchanges a look with the doctor beside her that Josh can’t decipher, but she says she’ll call.

Day 15.

It’s official. Skeletonb0nes - Tyler - is in a coma. The floor nurse on duty tells Josh it’s because of the head trauma he sustained when Josh hit him. Josh knew that was probably the case. Again, he isn’t an imbecile.

And yet no one has come to see him. This puts Josh at ease that he won’t be sued out of his ass, even though the state could still press charges on Tyler’s behalf. They won’t, though - not for a kid no one has stepped forward to defend or even claim as their son or brother or cousin or whatever.

Josh thinks it’s a miracle they even know his real name and he isn’t stuck calling him skeletonb0nes forever.

Forever? God, he hopes Tyler isn’t in a coma forever.

Anyway, it also makes him sad that Tyler doesn’t seem to have a family because…well, everyone should, right? Have someone they can go home to and someone to feed them and take care of them when they can’t do it themselves.

As it is now, Tyler’s being fed intravenously, through a tube. Josh watches the gross liquid enter Tyler’s system with his chin pillowed on the edge of Tyler’s bed. Everything smells like antiseptic.

He finds himself grabbing Tyler’s hand throughout the day, whenever a nurse or doctor makes an appearance to stick him with a needle, which they do multiple times. Even though they tell you people in comas aren’t aware of what’s going on around them, even though Tyler can’t feel him.

Josh decides it’s his duty, as the guy who hit Tyler, to stick around. His friends (hah, _friends_ ) know where he is all day, but don’t offer to come with him. Which is just as fine with Josh. He likes the fact that Tyler is his and his alone.

He’s secretly happy that Tyler seems to have no friends or family. At least not any that have any interest in coming to see him.

He’s all Josh’s.

Day 30.

Josh brings books to the hospital, to read to Tyler. Mostly they’re textbooks, things Josh has to read for class. But when he has some free time he brings the few novels he’s been working through - some Tolkien, Gillian Flynn, a little Harry Potter.

Tyler doesn’t look like he cares much for any of the books, but then there’s only so much you can garner from a coma patient’s lax expression.

“I can tell that one wasn’t your favorite, bud,” Josh commiserates, clapping Tyler on the shoulder as he snaps a book of short stories shut. He imagines he sees an eye twitch, a finger move, maybe even just a stuttering of Tyler’s breath. But there’s nothing.

Josh leans in close, takes Tyler’s hand again. “Wake up, Tyler.”

Tyler’s response is to send a faint little blip to the cardiac monitor.

Day 61.

The worst thing about Tyler being in a coma is that Josh hasn’t gotten off in almost two months now. He tries - oh, you better believe he tries - but it’s almost like his response to Tyler’s cam sessions was Pavlovian; see Tyler’s dick and come, see Tyler’s ass and come, see Tyler fucking himself between a dildo and his hand and come so hard you black out.

Josh jerks off to the dirtiest things he can think of, turns over and humps a pillow, even tries putting his fingers inside because Tyler always seemed to come so spectacularly when he did that. It’s uncomfortable, though, and all he gets for his efforts is a sore ass and lube-covered sheets.

At the hospital he puts his English work aside and goes to stand at the foot of Tyler’s bed. “Dude, you gotta wake up,” he says quietly. “I’m dying here. I can’t concentrate with the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever had.”

Tyler exhales as if to say _tough luck, buddy, but who’s the one in a coma here?_

With a purse of his lips, Josh nods. “You’re right. And it’s my fault I can’t get off now, technically. Since I, y’know, hit you with my car and all.”

As though in a nod, Tyler’s head tips forward. Josh goes to his side and tips it back with his fingers on Tyler’s warm skin. “But seriously, dude. If you don’t wake up soon I may just die.”

No response.

Day 106.

A week before Christmas. Josh’s parents ask if he’d like to come on vacation with them. They’re going to Jamaica to escape the snow and cold Ohio weather. For a second, Josh wants to ask if Tyler can come with them.

With no school until mid-January he agrees to go, if only because the alternative is being hounded all winter break to go snowboarding with Debby or iceskating with Ben.

He decorates Tyler’s room before he leaves, strings some lights up over his bed, buys a mini Christmas tree for the windowsill, and cuts paper snowflakes out of his notebook to tape on the walls. Then he leaves a note explaining everything in case Tyler wakes up while he’s gone. He leaves it on the little pullout table attached to Tyler’s bed, even though the nurses could tell him everything.

He wants Tyler to hear it from him first.

Before he goes he gathers Tyler’s covers closer around him and kisses the very top of his head. Tyler’s been here three months, but he doesn’t smell like antiseptic. He smells like vanilla and peanut butter and the cool spray of ocean foam.

”You better be awake when I get back.”

-

He gets back to Columbus two weeks later with sunburn and a conch shell for Tyler.

But when he knocks softly at the door, praying Tyler will be awake to say hello, and steps in the person in the bed isn’t Tyler. The person in the bed is an older woman who wants him to sit and chat about the Golden Girls. Josh’s decorations have been taken down.

Out in the hall he stops one of the nurses. “Tyler. He woke up?”

The nurse - tall and pretty with auburn hair - gives him a look like she has no idea who Tyler is. Which is bullshit because Josh knows who she is. He’s been coming here every day for three months, even if he could only afford a few minutes of his time. Her name is Sarah and she’s been in and out of Tyler’s room while Josh has been there too many times to count.

“Tyler?”

It takes all his strength not to roll his eyes. “The boy - the _man_ in room 203. Where is he?”

“Oh. He’s been moved to the ICU.”

“ICU?”

“Intensive Care.”

Josh’s heart leaps into his throat. “Intensive Care? Intensive Care why? What happened?”

“His vitals dropped a few days ago, which isn’t abnormal in coma patients. They moved him down there to keep a better eye on him.”

Josh asks for directions to the ICU and eventually finds Tyler in room 111, surrounded by sterile walls devoid of all the decorations he made (not that he seriously thought anyone would bother to move them instead of just ripping them down and throwing them in the trash). More than that, however, Josh’s note is gone.

That’s what angers him the most as he pulls a chair up to Tyler’s bedside and sits. If Tyler had happened to wake up while he was gone he’s not sure if anyone would have told him Josh had been here. He wants Tyler to know that he’s come here every day, that he’s been Tyler’s only visitor. And the nurses on this floor would have no idea about Josh other than that he’s the one who hit Tyler in the first place.

Tyler is pale and now he’s on a ventilator.

 _Because I left,_ he thinks. _This happened because I left._

If he had just stayed here and continued to visit every day maybe Tyler would still be in his room upstairs. Maybe the nurses would have continued to take better care of him knowing someone was going to be around every day to see him.

Josh grabs Tyler’s hand. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure if I’ve said that yet. I’m so sorry for hitting you. I should’ve been watching where I was going, not driving with all that shit in my hands, I’m just so fucking sorry.”

Day 213.

The only time Tyler ever appeared onscreen with someone else was two months before Josh hit him. The stream was filled with comments like _ur friend is a lucky guy_ and _fuck him raw._ Josh hadn’t sent anything that day, hadn’t even gotten off. The guy fucking Tyler had pressed him down against the mattress and held his hands behind his back. Even though Tyler was mewling and writhing against the sheets Josh was sure he wouldn’t come.

But he did, face flushed as cum seeped out from where his dick was trapped between him and the bed. The guy had slapped his ass and pulled out and Tyler had reached over weakly to stop the recording.

Josh had sat back in his chair, fuming with jealousy over some guy he didn’t know fucking another guy he didn’t know. He had no right to get jealous, he knew that. Except sometimes his brain told him things he didn’t want to hear, like that maybe he had a chance with skeletonb0nes. Even though skeletonb0nes most likely lived across the country in California or Seattle or something.

The guy in that recording had had short blond hair and a skinny nose, eyes that slanted slightly upward and a Cupid’s bow above his lip.

He’s the guy standing in Tyler’s hospital room when Josh gets there today. Josh would know his face anywhere because it’s a face he’s imagined punching a dozen times before.

 _Tyler’s not even yours,_ his brain tells him.

The guy glances up and Josh stops. “Who are you?”

“This kid,” the guy says, and looks like he’s reaching out for Tyler.

Josh steps in further. “Stop.”

The guy stops. “Do you know him?”

“Are you his boyfriend or something?” Josh asks, balls his hands into fists in his pockets.

“No, I-“

“Then get out.”

Looking like he wants to argue, the guy grabs his keys from the radiator and starts to make his way out. Josh stops him with a hand on his arm. “Don’t come back here.”

The guy shakes him off, gives him a weird little stare, and then leaves.

Josh approaches Tyler’s bed. He wants to throttle Tyler, wants to yell at him, wants him to wake up right the fuck now so he can get some answers.

Staring down at him, though, Josh realizes Tyler doesn’t owe him any answers. Tyler is the one who got hit by a car, Tyler is the one who’s trapped in this hospital, Tyler doesn’t even know who he is.

Day 321.

Tyler’s beard has taken a while to make an appearance, but eventually it does, dark stubble staining his cheeks and his upper lip. So Josh brings a razor to the hospital and shaves him. He thinks Tyler would want it that way, considering he always kept himself clean shaven when Josh used to watch him.

For the first time since hitting Tyler Josh cries.

It’s summer break and while Josh’s life has gone on for 10 months Tyler has been confined to a hospital bed with no one but Josh to keep him company. And he’s sure he’s been lousy company for most of that time.

He’s crying because he’s thinking about the amount of time the hospital staff will keep Tyler there, on life support, before deciding to take him off of it. He’s ruined a man’s life.

He almost wishes Tyler had woken up that first day to his friends and family, that the Josephs had sued the shit out of him for what little money he’d had. At least then he could walk away knowing he’d compensated Tyler in some way, that Tyler wouldn’t be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

Yeah. That would have hurt less.

One Year.

For the one year anniversary of when he hit Tyler, Josh brings flowers to the hospital. Plus he thinks they’ll liven up the room a bit, down in the ICU where the sun only slants sideways past the windows for a few hours a day. Tyler has been looking especially pale because of this.

There are voices as he approaches the room, so he slows as he rounds the corner, expecting the worst. The doctors have given up, told the nurses to pull the plug.

But he stands in the doorway and he sees.

Tyler. Sitting up. Talking, eating a bowl of apple sauce, breathing on his own.

“Holy shit,” Josh says, without realizing where he is. A flock of nurses in the hallway give him nasty looks and an old lady in a wheelchair by the desk glares at him. But Josh is walking forward, into Tyler’s room, where he’s flanked by a doctor in green scrubs and a nurse.

“Are you Josh?” Tyler asks when he’s swallowed his mouthful of apple sauce. His voice sounds horrible, not at all like the innocent lilt Josh remembers from the cam sessions. Then he realizes that’s because Tyler hasn’t used it in 12 months.

“We’ll leave you two alone,” the doctor says, though he jostles Tyler’s shoulder. “You give us a call if you need anything.”

They’re wary about leaving Tyler alone with the guy who hit him, now that he’s awake. Even though Josh has been coming here for a year and had ample opportunities to hurt Tyler if he really wanted to.

“You’re the guy who hit me,” Tyler says, swirling his apple sauce around with the plastic spoon they gave him. He’s looking at the flowers - pink and red roses Josh picked up at the flower shop near campus. “Are those for me?”

“Yes.” Josh puts them on the windowsill and turns sharply back to Tyler. “You can sue me. I just wanna get that out there. They told me you could press charges when you woke up, so I just want you to know. I won’t mind if you do.”

Tyler looks down at his apple sauce with pursed lips. He shakes his head. “You’ve been coming to see me, they said.”

“Every day.” Josh feels a weight lift off his shoulders because this is what he wanted Tyler to know. “Every day for a year. Actually, I missed two weeks last December when my parents took me on vacation, but other than that. Yeah. Every single day.”

“I’m not gonna sue you. Not when…” Tyler trails off with a small sigh, shovels more apple sauce into his mouth.

“When what?” Josh is hovering near the window, unsure if he’s allowed to come any closer.

“When apparently no one else has been.”

Tyler sounds like Josh’s company hasn’t been enough. Which…hurts, but Josh can’t blame him. He may have known Tyler for a year now, but this is Tyler’s first time meeting him.

Josh crosses his arms. “Do you know why no one came to see you? You have family, right?”

“Technically? But they hate me.”

“Oh.”

Tyler sets his now-empty apple sauce container on the little pullout table. Josh throws it away for him.

“I’m gay, which you probably didn’t know. My family basically disowned me.”

This is Josh’s opportunity, to let Tyler know he knows. He knows Tyler’s gay, has gotten off with him hundreds of times, has probably partly paid Tyler’s bills with his subscription. “I know who you are.” He doesn’t want this to seem threatening or like he has plans to blackmail Tyler or something like that, so he comes toward Tyler’s bed very slowly. “Skeletonb0nes. I used to watch you, on your cam show. You probably don’t remember me, we only talked directly like one time. My name on there was SpookyJim. Kind of a big coincidence that I’d be the one to hit you with my car.”

“…should I call security?”

“What? No. Why?”

“Because what if you’re a stalker? What if you hit me with your car on purpose?” Before Josh can answer, Tyler smacks himself on the forehead. “Oops, not that it matters. Kinda forgot I was homeless for a second.”

“You’re _what?_ ”

“Homeless, yeah. You ever notice how the background of my videos always changed? I’d break into peoples’ houses and do my shit there.”

All of a sudden blonde guy with the skinny nose makes so much sense.

Josh runs a hand through his hair. “This guy came, a couple months ago. The one from your video, the only one you ever had another person in. Blonde hair, green eyes-“

“Yeah, I know who you mean.” Tyler’s sinking down into his bed, getting comfortable. Or retreating. “I didn’t think anyone was home. I broke into his house and he threatened to shoot me or call the police. I said I’d let him fuck me if he didn’t.”

Silence.

Josh has taken a seat beside Tyler’s bed and Tyler is staring at him. “Bet you regret coming to see me all that time now, huh?”

“No. Never.”

“Why did you anyway?”

Josh picks his words carefully. “I felt guilty. I ruined your life. I took a year away from you. A year you could have been doing other things, _any_ other thing rather than laying in a hospital in a coma. But the reason I came - the real reason I never missed a day - is because I knew you. I had been paying for your sessions for months and I really thought I knew you. Or that I was at least the closest thing you had to family.”

“Josh-“

“When that guy showed up, Tyler, I told him never to come back here. And I’m glad I did. Because if he was thinking about pressing charges against you or hurting you or something after what he did to you, I would have killed him.”

A humorless laugh escapes Tyler, whose eyes seem a little redder than they did before. “I did break into his house, dude.”

“Doesn’t give him the right to rape you.”

“I offered,” Tyler says in a small voice.

“Doesn’t matter and I don’t care. If I ever see that guy again he’ll be sorry.”

Another stretch of silence, this one longer and more pronounced. Tyler clears his throat. “Well, you can go if you want. I’ll be fine now.”

Josh makes a face. “Why would I leave now? After I’ve already been coming here for a year. Don’t you get it, Tyler? I like you. A lot. And you don’t have to like me, I mean Jesus, I’ve basically been stalking you for a year and you didn’t even know it. But I’m not leaving you alone unless you want me to.”

“I don’t want you to.” Tyler’s eyelashes flutter. “But I also don’t really know you. And it takes me a while to warm up to people. Even people who defend my honor against guys whose houses I’ve broken into.”

Josh chuckles and stands, wraps his fingers around the railing of Tyler’s bed. “I’m willing to wait. I think you might like me after you get to know me.”

Narrowing his eyes, Tyler tilts his head. “Are you sure you _really_ like me? I mean, this is our first conversation. What if you just like the guy you saw onscreen? I’m a lot different than that guy.”

“You might not remember them, but we’ve actually had lots of conversations. And I enjoyed every minute of them, however one-sided they may have been.”

“Y’know,” Tyler says slowly, and he watches Josh’s fingers on his bed. “I remember something. You read to me one time. Harry Potter, I think. Did you read to me?”

Josh nods. “Yeah. I did.” Slowly, hesitantly, he sticks his hand out. “I’m Josh.”

“Tyler.” Tyler shakes his hand - warm and soft - and a nurse comes in to check on them.

**Author's Note:**

> always taking requests at my [tumblr](http://vintagetyler.tumblr.com/).


End file.
